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Building Strong Foundations: Open-Ended Questions for New Relationships



As a holistic psychotherapist specialising in couples therapy, I often encounter partners who struggle with communication and understanding each other’s needs. One effective approach to fostering a healthy and fulfilling relationship is through the use of open-ended questions. These questions encourage deeper conversations, helping couples uncover essential aspects of each other’s personalities, values, and aspirations. Drawing from the principles of the Gottman Institute, which identifies critical behaviours that can damage relationships, I have compiled a list of open-ended questions designed to help new couples build a solid foundation of mutual understanding and respect.


Getting to Know Each Other


1. What are some of your most cherished childhood memories?

2. Who has been the most influential person in your life and why?

3. What are some of your dreams and goals for the future?

4. What do you enjoy doing in your free time?

5. What’s something new you’ve always wanted to try but haven’t yet?


Values and Beliefs


6. What values are most important to you in life?

7. How do you usually handle conflicts or disagreements?

8. What does a fulfilling life look like to you?

9. What role does religion or spirituality play in your life?

10. What are your views on work-life balance?


Relationship Expectations


11. What qualities do you value most in a partner?

12. How do you express love and affection?

13. What are your thoughts on marriage and children?

14. How important is it for you to spend time with family and friends?

15. What are your expectations for how we handle finances in a relationship?


Communication and Conflict Resolution


16. How do you prefer to communicate when you’re upset or stressed?

17. What’s your approach to resolving conflicts in a relationship?

18. How can I best support you during tough times?

19. What are your thoughts on forgiveness and second chances?

20. What’s the best way for me to show you that I’m listening and understanding you?


Intimacy and Personal Growth


21. What activities make you feel most connected to me?

22. How do you like to celebrate special occasions or achievements?

23. What areas of personal growth are you currently focusing on?

24. What are your favourite ways to relax and unwind?

25. What does intimacy mean to you beyond physical affection?


Future Plans and Aspirations


26. Where do you see yourself in the next five years?

27. What are some places you’d love to travel to and why?

28. What personal or professional accomplishments are you most proud of?

29. How do you envision our future together?

30. What legacy do you hope to leave behind?


By asking these open-ended questions, you can gain deeper insights into each other’s personalities, values, and expectations, which can help build a strong foundation for your relationship. Through open and honest communication, you can navigate the complexities of your relationship, ensuring a supportive and loving partnership.


•If you have any ideas or thoughts, we'd love to hear from you in the comments. Your experiences and perspectives can help others on their own journey to inner peace•



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